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ABStract326
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read my profile
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Name: Abby
Country: United States
State: Tennessee
Metro: Knoxville
Birthday: 3/26/1983
Gender: Female
Interests: Do you have a minute?This will take a few... Art of any form, amazing friends, love, Judaism, music, DMB (that's just the beginning..), poetry, writing, quoting, reading, acting, photography, dancing, near-accidents and gossiping with Margie, philosophy, Zionism, politics, Anais Ninn and the like, traveling, ISRAEL, LONG road trips with MRC and others, spending time with my gals, gum, yoga, meditation, Audrey Hepburn, costumes, shoes- boots!, late-night conversations, the dark, 'FRIENDS', coffee, frogs, the ocean at night, lipgloss, over analyzing pointless films-oh hell-any film and psycho analyzing television shows, candles, concerts, foot massages, ranting about nonsense- I'm good at that one, cooking, taking chances, dreaming, smiling, laughing...and entirely too many more to list.
Expertise: One could say I do nothing exceptionally well...Art, English, languages, being me uniquely, giving love and being loved, giving advice to those who search for it, brightening people's spirits, finding new ways to enjoy my life to the fullest no matter how hard it may seem to get or how much my world seems to sometimes cave in on me, song, procrastination, occasional insanity, working on my NON-southern accent, causing harm with hammers, SARCASM AND INDECISIVENESS, having mastered the concept of the telephone-quite well actually, entertaining people, debates, bullshitting in an academically pleasing way, getting lost-anywhere and everywhere, a free spirirt, a glutton for punishment, an open ear, an open mind and a ridiculously open heart, and I tend to pick up new "skills" with each new day. Missing Shane Aaron Greenfarb *2/5/83-10/24/03 *
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Hzleyes326; ABStract326
Yahoo:  ABStract326
Member Since:
2/26/2004
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| "They always say time changes things...
...but you actually have to change them yourselves."--unknown
For a while now I've been almost completely directionless. It's not that I have absolutely no
idea what I want to do. It's been a question of "how do I get
there?". Somehow, in the last couple of weeks, possibly months, I've
gone from meandering around to just completely...stuck.
I want to pursue art. Yep, that's all I got. No money, no resources,
no idea where I want to be living or exactly what I want to be doing.
Stuck.
I don't even think that describes how I'm feeling.
My
anxiety disorder, developed in about '01 and completely tackled for
almost three years and just about dissolved, is back and in
full-swing. I'm finding it difficult just to get in the car and go
anywhere at times. I'm choosing to stay at home rather than to be with
my friends. I avoid going several places or doing several things
because I've been having "anticipatory anxiety" and I'd rather just not
go or do than try, and possibly have an anxiety attack.
I can
hardly function right now. I'm slowly, very slowly, working on this.
But can I do this and go to school? But if I continue to take time off
from school, I just feel more and more miserable. Forget trying to
work right now. Forget relationships. I'm just going back and forth in
this vicious cycle and I'm about to give up.
I keep trying to throw in the towel, but something just won't allow me to do so. I can't even figure out what that something is.
I don't want to keep doing this as long as I'm not seeing positive
results, or the "light at the end of the tunnel" if you will. It just
seems like a waste to me.
My family continues to go through
grief with our extended family (apparently money is much more important
than actually having a loving, healthy family),
my parents' health is continuing to go downhill- my mom's having hip
replacement surgery in December and my father's diabetes continues to
be a rollercoaster ride that isn't fun in the least.
I found out
recently that I have some developing arthritis in my back, my spine is
completely straight in my neck and curves the opposite of normal in the
rest of my back (which explains my constant pain, at least in the last
year or so) and my asthma has been acting up over the last few months.
I see my peers- in school or graduated. In their careers or getting married.
I feel like at this moment, the only thing constant in my life right now, is pain.
I know it's about quality, not quantity, but currently it's neither.
Those
of you in touch with me, seeing me, hearing me- I ask that you continue
to be patient with my being terrible at calling or going out, or if you
do happen to see me, being the little negative one that I've been.
This isn't who I am, those of you that know me know that. It's just a
phase. "This too shall pass" (yes, I know, I need to keep telling
myself that..) I want to talk to you. I want to spend time with you.
You just have to push me at this point!
So what now?
Something needs to break.
And soon.
I
know we all go through the bad stuff to appreciate the good, things
happen for a reason and hard times are just a part of life. I am just
hopin' things work themselves out, or I am able to work them out very soon.
After all,
"The sweet is never as sweet without the sour."-Vanilla Sky
Things happen for a reason...
Right?
Oh I hope so...
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| My my my...what is with all of this hostility???
Is it just me, or are people seeming more and more rude and inconsiderate these days?
The following was a mistake, I added someone as a friend on myspace, as I thought I knew the guy, and it turns out he was someone else. Or maybe he was the person I knew, but just turned out to be a real jackass...
btw, I hadn't realized I had already tried adding him, so I clicked on his name again! I'm not so desperate for friends here...
Subject: Friend Request.
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A couple minor details regarding your request that I be your friend:
1. If you bothered to read my profile, you would have seen the line
that says something about sending a message if you want to be added, as
I don't just add everyone that sends a request. This is due to the fact
that I actually know and/or talk to everyone on my friends list (except
the bands).
2. I don't know you. I know who you are, but I do not know you.
So unless you have a compelling reason I should add you, take the hint
from the first time I denied your request.
All that being said, if you have a good reason I should
add you to my friends, then by all means let me know. Otherwise, quit
wasting my time.
Cuideiginn
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Am I just being extra sensitive, or do I have a right to be a bit annoyed?
Petty, maybe. Bored, oh yes.
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| So to update as quickly as I can, I'm just going to list off the things that have been going on. This should be interesting...
- My dad has been very sick with diabetes, in and out of ICU, lucky to still be alive.
- Doctors found a lump in my mom's lung and have taken two different biopsys, and its still unknown if it is cancerous or not
- I've been in the hospital for various things.
- I have been running around like crazy trying to find a job and to no avail.
- There's talk of putting my dog to sleep, as she's bitten me sending me to the ER, and now my father, and she's getting very aggressive in her 13 years of age.
- I'm looking around at different art schools, as I believe I've changed my mind about Veterinary Medicine- art is my main passion. I'm going crazy with that- Do I stray far away from home, do I stay close to home because of my dad, etc...
- There's someone wanting to have a serious relationship with me, and he has so many wonderful qualities, not to mention he treats me like a princess, but I've just been burned waaay too many times to be interested in a relationship at this point in time.
- "Friends" are disappointing me right and left.
- I'm stuck in my life right now. Just stuck..
- Need I go on? Okay...
- my weight is at an all-time high because of the stress I'm going through, and I cannot seem to lose it! I'm trying- gym, eating habits, etc. Nothing's working!! arg...
- My parents are quickly running out of funds- my dad has now been unemployed for 19 months, and my mom is unable to work as well, both due to health problems. I've been using up the small amount in my now dwindling college fund, and we're all simply hurting for money. Know of any jobs available???
I would go on, but I don't think it's necessary. I realize that there are people out there worse off than me, and I'm thankful for the things I do have in this life. It's just my life, right now, isn't cutting it.
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| Hope this finds everyone (who still reads my site) well.
I'm going to try and update again soon.
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This is my new boyfriend. Cute, isn't he?
On one of my better days...
